The Holidays Are A Time For Grief
Every year when November and December hit, I inevitably start feeling waves of grief, which are hard to put into words. Amidst the joyful cheer and glitter from Christmas and New Years’ celebrations, I have an inner conflict. I feel guilty that I can’t fully give myself to the joy of the season because I’m still very much grieving.
I lost my Grandfather in October 2020 and my mother-in-law in December 2020. The following year, we hardly celebrated Christmas- no tree, no festive colours. It became another seemingly ordinary week of work, chores, and family dinners. But the air was thick with grief and sorrow at the empty chair at the dinner table that year.
I felt lost in the hustle and bustle of Christmas. There just wasn’t enough time and energy to process difficult emotions. I mostly put on a “here but not really here” face and went through the motions of the season as I interacted with coworkers, friends, and family. When there were no words to describe the profound pain of losing a loved one, I turned inward and let my soul speak through art.
How I Used Art To Grieve
Several themes in my art showed up and continue to show up as I think about the holidays and grief. If it’s something you can do to help you grieve, you can make a piece of art using any medium or write in response to one or any of the following questions:
How am I feeling at this moment?
Acknowledge the feeling at this moment. Don’t try to change it but let it speak through colours, shapes, and marks on the page. It is important to slow down and check in with ourselves amidst the busyness of the season.
What gift did my loved one give me?
Think about the legacy that this individual left in your life. Perhaps they gave you the gift of patience, home-cooked meals, a shoulder to cry on or small gestures of love. It could be how they listened without judgment or cared about all the little details in your life by asking you questions. Reminiscence can be a way to find a sense of fulfillment and comfort.
How can I continue receiving this gift this season?
Consider how this legacy lives on. How might you continue receiving these gifts in intangible ways? What rituals or new traditions can you create around receiving these gifts? Thinking about this can validate and reaffirm the importance of the way your loved one showed up in your life.
How have I changed as a person?
In what ways (positive and negative) has grief changed you as a person? Which areas need more care in this season and which areas can you celebrate? Acknowledging the presence of grief as a necessary response to loss can be validating.
The holiday season is often filled with traditions that bring us comfort and joy, so why not incorporate art into your celebrations too?
Instead of thinking about what you’re missing out on by not having your loved one there, make something new that honours their memory while adding something special to your traditions!
You could create artwork or write poems inspired by your favourite stories or memories with them or even design a craft project incorporating mementos from past celebrations together! Whatever creative outlet you choose, make sure it reflects what you loved about them and celebrates their legacy in meaningful ways.
If you're struggling during the holidays, check out our blog post about the 5 Reminders To Maintain Your Mental Health During The Holidays.
A Message For Those Who Grieve During The Holidays
The holidays can be a rough time for anyone. Obligations can make it seem like our time and energy are being pulled in a thousand directions, all while being bombarded with the message to smile, be grateful, and be happy. It’s easy to look fine, as if you have it all together, but that can make it all the more isolating and sad during the holidays.
What would this season look like if you could give space to those emotions as an act of self-care? How can you keep the memory of your loved one alive? What stories do you want to pass on? How can you personalize this season to be more authentically you?
It could look like creating new traditions to honour the sadness and grief. My Grandpa and I used to grab coffee almost every morning before I took him to his adult day program.
Now, I make it a point to go to a cafe alone for coffee during Christmas with a notebook where I would journal about the memories of him I hold dear. It can also look like saying “no” to things you don’t have space or energy for. By setting boundaries, you are protecting that space for self-care.
Lastly, know that you are not alone in your grief and sorrow. You can bring up memories of your loved one with those around you, talk about your grief experience, and be open to receiving care and affection from others during this time. During this challenging season of grief, please remember to be gentle with yourself.
Your emotions are valid. Your experience is valid. Your needs are valid.
I wish you a restful holiday season and hope to see you in the New Year!
If you're interested in joining an art therapy group for grieving individuals, please reach out to us. I would be more than happy to help you get started on your healing journey as your art therapist.
About The Writer
Ashley Kwan is an art therapist and registered psychotherapist (Qualifying) with a passion for helping her client find meaning, purpose, and, ultimately, their authentic inner voice through the creative process. She has experience working with individuals and facilitating groups for people experiencing grief and bereavement.